In honor of Mother's Day, I made this honest baby registry. No need to go to Target or Babies R Us, I have everything you need right here. Don't waste your money on adorable clothing or Einsteinien toys. I don't think Einstein played with Baby Einstein, and look at him. He turned out great. A baby will play with anything. Do you have a small collection of tightly sealed packages of hot dogs? Perfect. That will entertain a baby for literally minutes.
Diapering:
Disposable Hazmat suit*
$65,000
Bathing:
Wetsuit
Sleeping**:
Cleaning and Sanitation:
Stain removing carpet cleaner***
Travel:
Map of restaurants and department store bathrooms that have diaper changing stations****
Clothing:
Vomit-colored shirts
Teething:
Noise-canceling headphones
Toys:
An old shoe
Box of tissues
Your smartphone
Whatever lines your bottom two bookshelves
Feeding:
Rubber Apron
Goggles
*About $30 on Amazon
**I don’t remember what this means…
***Don’t worry. You won’t actually have time to clean your carpet. Just put it in a safe place and clean your carpets 18 years from now.
****Get it together, Target Men's Bathroom in Norman, Oklahoma.
